Does a person ultimately change?
The illusion of change
First, I would like to ask the following question: Can people ultimately change? And the answer, although multidimensional and complex, can be summed up in a single sentence: Yes, they do, under certain conditions (and neuroplasticity, the ability to create new connections, is one of them. But it is not the only criterion).
What is it that ultimately changes us or changes within us? Is it our habits, our routines, our hair, or our clothes? Or is it our character, our personality, or the pain that leads us to change?
The false polarization
Many people think that change is between emotions (e.g., joy-sadness), between emotional states (e.g., greater joy-sadness), or between personality traits and temperament.
However, change does not come from a binary situation. That is, from 1 to 2 or from 2 to 1. It comes from all those decimals we did in school, between 1 and 2. I mean, emotions have many, many shades. So, labeling them in a single dichotomy would not be very functional.
A personal experience
For a while, I worked at two different companies. And from both of them, I gained separate experiences and evolved. The first one? It taught me to be flexible and to constantly evolve in my work. The second? It subjected me to workplace bullying, and I didn’t want to go there at all. But I went, and I gained more mental resilience.
Both companies were more or less related in terms of their field of activity. However, the people, the management, the leadership, the training, the materials, and the equipment were very different. I think these are some of the most important things an employee can keep in mind: how much the work environment listens to them, how much it respects them, and how much value it places on them being autonomous while fulfilling their professional obligations.
When the body becomes the target
Let’s forget about the example of the companies I worked for and focus on our bodies for a moment. Did you know that when we are subjected to negative criticism/bullying/mobbing/ghosting and all these new concepts, we secrete stress and anxiety hormones?
And although it may not be immediately apparent, this changes us. It makes us more nervous, more irritable, more anxious, more withdrawn, or shy. It changes us. Passively. It can even change us actively, if it triggers aggressive elements.
When you have a choice
And here lies the essence of the article. When you have the choice not to change, or to change, you feel more liberated. More open to new ideas and thoughts. It’s like having enough money to invest in your interests, or having the choice to shop at a supermarket that respects its employees rather than one that doesn’t.
And the truth is, all people change. Constantly. It’s just that the illusion is that we are static. That is, that we remain in the past or the future. In reality, we are constantly moving in the present (difficult concept, isn’t it?).
And how do you change? Through reading, meditation, exercise, studying your field, seminars, workshops, self-improvement groups, psychotherapy, psychoeducation, group psychotherapy, and so on.
In summary
In summary, the fact that I was listened to was the main reason I changed. The fact that I was given attention. And people change when they are listened to. When they are cared for. When they are loved. When they are supported.
Like slow-baked bread. It takes time to knead and bake, but the result will be perfect. The same goes here. Change comes not when you want it, but when you are ready to accept it.