Silence is not weakness
Why we learn to be ashamed of our feelings
It must have been a few days ago, when I saw a child crying in the super market, asking for something from the chip rack. His mom, after not buying him what he wanted, said: “Don’t cry, my child, they’ll laugh at us”.
I can say that this moment was a highlight for me. Very much. Not because the chips weren’t bought for the child, but because of the mother’s phrase.
We live in a society that teaches us to be silent. Whether introverted, extroverted, or something in between, we shouldn’t talk about our feelings.
Why? Because it will be a weakness. Because it will show that we can’t handle them, when in fact it’s the opposite.
We need to talk about them so that we can manage them.
But this is not only a Greek phenomenon, but a global one, one might say. So shame acts as a filter that covers up our feelings.
As a result, we feel tired, exhausted, miserable and isolated both from ourselves and from other people.
It leads to disconnection. And non-connection is not helpful, especially in phases of grief or depression. And just like that, incidents of bullying increase, as do incidents of humiliation in people who simply don’t express themselves and are flat.
Okay. But how do we get past this? The easy solution/answer is to simply say that we need to speak and express ourselves.
But the truth is, if a person has grown up with the “don’t cry boy, we’ll be laughed at” it’s hard to change beliefs and opinions about the world. For this, a tactic needs to be implemented called: psychoeducation.
Through psychotherapy, or complementary psychoeducation, the person needs to learn that all feelings are acceptable and there is nothing wrong with expressing them.
Whether in writing, or verbally, or in our journal. As long as they don’t hurt others and are not impulsive, why not?
Thus, the well-known saying, “When the mouth doesn’t speak, the body speaks” will cease to be true. And we will stop swallowing our emotions. We will feel better, healthier and more fulfilled.
As for that scene, you’d think the kid was going through a rough patch. I hope he learns to express his feelings and not cover them up, as most adults do. But either way, it taught me a valuable lesson. To love my feelings and my “hidden” self more.