Listening to a audiobook called "Let Them Theory," I began to realize many things about anxiety, friendships, and success. Perhaps things I had been unaware of for years, perhaps things I had chosen to ignore for decades.
Even though there are so many people, in so many groups of friends, with so many shared experiences in common clubs, you still feel alone. Why?
Maybe you think you're doing something wrong. Or maybe you're going through a transitional period, such as graduating from school, starting a new job, getting married, or getting divorced. However, in order to maintain a friendship, three basic characteristics are required:
1. Water it
As if it were the best flower you have and can take care of. Give it all the necessary nutrients. Such as attention, active listening, support, and doing things together. Believe me, it's one of the most important factors.
2. Give time
It's like watering it, but it's the quality time you spend together.
In fact, according to Mel's book, it takes about 70-something hours to really become friends with someone. And of course, don't have "best friend" expectations because they always weigh down a relationship.
3. Energy
Of course, I'm not referring to some supernatural energy, but to the vibes, behavior, and cognitive beliefs you have with the other person.
Are you still compatible? Were you compatible in the past but not anymore? Have things simply changed since then, and are you trying to revive a dead flower?
These were the three tips I heard from the book and really liked. Yes. It's true that friendships are a strange thing for some people, no matter how easy they are for others. As for after 20-25, it's even more difficult because there is no common goal. No common vision. And that's what complicates things.
And how do we get out of the loop? By doing things! By being active. And above all, by loving ourselves. Because that love will be the reflection that we will love others.