Why am I always angry?
A text for a deeper understanding of anger
Many people, and I included myself among them until recently, say: When you get angry, you protect your boundaries. You assert what you want and, above all, you are respected. Especially if you have people in your life who don’t pay much attention to you. Especially if you don’t give much importance to your live yourself.
However, after reading the book “Learning to Live with Your Trauma,” I changed my perspective and direction. I realized that while the common urban myth is partly true, there is much, much more to it than simply asserting yourself and being respected in return. Let me explain.
A little science about emotions in general
First, let’s point out that emotions are neither positive nor negative. They are like the weather. As the weather changes, so do our emotions. And that’s okay.
They are part of our functionality as humans and lead us to achieve goals, maintain and improve our relationships, and advance in our careers.
They can be divided into involuntary reactions (e.g., I hear an insult, so I get angry or afraid) and “feelings about feelings.” That is, self-aware feelings based on the feelings we already have. They are similar to meta-cognition, i.e. the ability to reflect on our thoughts.
They are also experienced by the body and include physical sensations, physical postures or movements, and a predisposition for a specific action.
A little science about anger
Anger, on the other hand, is a normal and healthy emotion, although it can sometimes be very frightening. When past anger has not been resolved, it can be reinforced by future or present anger and become confused within us.
What is its purpose? To protect us from threats. It is a powerful emotion, as we said, that guides behavior, but not behavior per se. It has a beginning, middle, and end. Like any emotion, if we observe it closely and consciously.
How you deal with anger determines whether it is legitimate or not. And here, in order to see how to deal with it, we need to know its physical symptoms:
1. Clenched jaw
Sudden outburst
Heavy breathing
Rapid heartbeat
Surge of energy
How do we deal with anger legitimately and functionally?
There are many ways to deal with your anger legitimately and functionally. Some of them are discussion, in a calm and constructive context without insults, painting, and writing (even in a diary).
Also, poetry, acceptance (and psychotherapy), and understanding when it starts or has already started so that you can stop it in time.
And we come to the main question of the text: Why am I constantly angry?
The answer
The short answer is that your nervous system has been in a state of fight or flight for a long time, you are tired from the fast pace of everyday life, you need rest and, above all, someone who understands you and does not judge you.
The longer answer comes in the following experiential game, which can help you reflect on your anger, i.e., study it better:
What do you feel in your body?
How would you describe your anger in terms of color?
Any sensations in your body?
What shape would it have?
Would you use a metaphor to describe it?
How long would it last?
What song or movement would represent it?
Conclusion
The answers you gave above can be related to your anger. They can explain it. And they can tell you: But if, for example, I constantly feel red and tense, isn’t it logical to feel anger?
Don’t forget that it is an emotion. And like every emotion, it has a beginning, a middle, and an end. The way you deal with it makes it “good” or “bad,” not the emotion itself, which is like the weather.
If you want to take something away from the above text, it is this: For peace to come to us, it must come from within us. Meditation, exercise, healthy expression (such as writing or poetry without insults) and being calm and kind to others can certainly help a lot in not feeling so angry.
And if you ever feel it? Where will you feel it.. Take a deep breath, count to 10 before reacting, and be proactive. In other words, try not to hurt others, but also don’t hurt yourself..